My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she told me i tasted like america
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
