Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
