My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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