Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
