I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
