I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
