She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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