well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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