I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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