WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
