is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
