Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
