He kissed a someone with a penis
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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