I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
