Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
id be glad to
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
