That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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