So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
