i already hear my dad disowning me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
