ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
