don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
