what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
