Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
