the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
