I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
