If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
