Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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