getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
