I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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