Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
