first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
