He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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