Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
