Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
