May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
