I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
