can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
