It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
