Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
