The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
