If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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