Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
