I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
zippers are such a cool invention
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
