Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
