watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
