I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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