woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
