when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
