like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
