I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
