Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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