i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
